Forgiveness can be a difficult thing to do, but it is so important to our emotional well being. Holding on to anger and resentment can affect the way we relate to others. It keeps us from living our lives powerfully. When we hold on to anger and resentment, we block our energy to relate and love others. We let ourselves get stuck in victimhood, in wanting to get even and feeling hurt. Forgiveness takes practice. It starts with our willingness to look within ourselves and being willing to transform the resentful thoughts to loving and forgiving thoughts.
How then do we forgive? The following are mindsets and beliefs to facilitate forgiveness.
1.There is nothing that we can do about the past. It is already gone. All we can do is accept it. When we focus on the past and the injury that we suffered, we cannot enjoy the present. When we focus on the present, we can be joyful and fully live life.
2. We choose to see ourselves as victors and rather than victims. In victim mode, we give power over to the perpetrator. When we take responsibility, we focus on growth and how we are made stronger.
3. Every experience has a lesson for us to learn. We are made stronger by every negative and painful experience that we come out of. Our growth is a result of having been able to to get through difficult times and being able to appreciate the easy times.
4. Negative experiences make us more compassionate. When we suffer, we can see how people who experience the same situation suffer. When we meet a person who had undergone what we had to go through, we can be more empathetic and compassionate towards him or her.When I focus on peace, I become peace. I am powerful in my ability to create my emotional states.
5. The degree of injury does not matter. Suffering is suffering, may it be a big violation or not. When we perceive ourselves as severely violated, we are clinging to an idea that is harmful to our well-being. When we choose to care for our mental health, we let go of the idea that we had been badly wounded. This is not to minimize the event, but for us to speed the healing process. If we perceive that something will take a long time to get over with because it was a grievous act, we prolong the healing process. We slow it down because we are telling ourselves that is so serious, it will take us years to get over it.
6. Letting go of guilt is an act of humility because we acknowledge the part of ourselves that is imperfect and that all we can do is to let it go and resolve to do better next time. If we can’t learn the lesson the first time, or the second time, or the third time, it is okay. We are trying our best. We are only human. Eventually, we will learn the lesson.
7. When we had been victimized, we are given the opportunity to extend mercy and compassion. We are given the opportunity to be aware of the suffering of other people. People who are wounded are in need of love. Ultimately, everyone is wanting attention and love. People who take advantage of others are people who are suffering themselves.
8. Vulnerability makes us soft. It makes us more open to grace. When we know that we are not perfect, we open ourselves to healing.
9. Choose to love rather than hate. We are either loving or hating. When we don’t forgive, we are holding on to bitterness and we are hating.
10. Hand it over to God. The universe will take care of any injustice that you suffered. The other person is going through their evolution. Choose to trust rather than control. Let go of control.
11. Knowing that we are not perfect allows room for improvement. This is the challenge of being human. The climb to the mountain is the challenge. The more challenging, the more rewarding. The riskier, the more appreciation. We know that we gave something a chance so that we would not be bothered with regret later on.
12. Focus on your spirituality and the bigger picture. If we know that we are connected with everyone, we will be more likely to forgive the person that harmed us.
13. Healing is our responsibility. We cannot expect the other person to give us the apology or the explanation for his or her behavior. We may never get it, so we take action and give that closure to ourselves. Sometimes, we don’t have to understand everything and that the best thing we can do is accept this fact of life.
The past is gone and so as our mistakes and the hurt. When we hold on to what happened in the past, we destroy the present. We let the past destroy our joy by choosing to be a victim. Playing the victim is the work of the ego. When we are liberated from bitterness and replace it with forgiveness, we free up negative energy that prevents us from living a fulfilling life.
Forgiveness is a conscious decision that we make. It’s not an easy road because it requires us to let go of our sense of pride and our ego. But ego is not the way of peace. Forgiveness is the way to peace.
Forgiveness is not about ignoring what happened. When we had been wronged, we will normally feel sad, angry or even confused and a gamut of other emotions. These emotions are not to be discounted. They are to be acknowledged and felt. However, sometimes we choose to dwell upon them. Forgiveness redirects us to our desired emotional and mental states. It redirects our energy to what we want to experience in life. When we forgive, we make room for love to flourish. When we let go of the hurt, we can make room for happiness.